Here's What's Going On

Their first game of the season was on Sunday, Sept. 13, how lucky.

They lost 10-34 to the Jaguars, getting their only touchdown + point after in the last three minutes of the 4th. The Browns went into the half 0-24, and the Jaguars put in their second string QB in for the fourth quarter, completely letting off the gas. At some point, the Jaguars stopped throwing and just ran.

Xavier reports That was one of the worst games I have ever seen. There was a series of plays where they lost over 30 yards and impressively avoided staying near field goal range.

The Browns defense flung themselves at all or none of their opponents. They looked unsure who was on who, or where things would come from, and mostly weak. Then, Watson ran as much as he did because he ran out of time.

It could have been 0-50. The Coach Monken comes out refusing to say anything about the game until looking at the tape. Except: It was bad, it was not all Deshaun's fault, look it's only one of 17 games, there is no testimony without a test, I'm sure as hell not firing me! He is barely able to get through describing the first plays of his NFL head coaching career - too star-struck. It's freaking awesome, he says, of finally being the coach of an NFL team, in the presser after losing 10-34.

Deshaun Watson sounds worse in his own pitiful presser. It's on me and Coach Monken, there's issues with the clock. He explains how they don't have enough time to work with to switch guys in, to get in and out of the huddles, as if the Jaguars and every other NFL franchise have the privilege of playing beyond the concept of time itself.

What on earth. The franchise is pulling a Ted Lasso situation with a hillbilly coach whose college dream instinct is to Rudy the guy who settled over 24 sexual misconduct accusations out of court. The Jaguars are very kind.

I had a flash of foreshadow that he will play, start, the next game. It will be worse. When the Browns play home, he starts again, and nothing good happens to dissipate the storm cloud above that team and their leadership. Finally, Shedeur Sanders starts in Week 4. The storm cloud dissipates but the team stays damp, getting moldy as more reports harp on how Arch Manning won't play there. Then, at some point, Watson will have a terrible self-inflicted accident. That's how he sounds right now.

Could we be in for a Baker Mayfield revenge game?
The weight of money is on [Watson, Sanders, and Mayfield's] shoulders.
CBS pre-game coverage

The Cleveland Browns pulled their big boy pants up and kept the Bucs back longer than Mayfield's throws. Week 1's foreshadowed storm cloud literally appeared at the final two minute warning, with a regularly scheduled Tampa Bay rain storm stalling the Browns' dramatic clinch by another two hours. As a result, the fan base is muddied by happiness for the win oozing out of the hardened resentment towards Watson.

Sunday's game proved there is a lot of young talent on the team, especially in rookie wide recievers Denzel Boston and KC Concepcion, and cornerback Myles Harden showing off with an interception. Coach Monken's win fostered an infectious positivity as Monken announces that he's got the best job in the world and we are introduced to new english sentences like I'm the head coach of the Cleveland Browns, how cool is that?

Things certainly came together for the Browns with their Defense holding down the first half, and the Buccaneers getting sloppier as Mayfield continued to throw balls to a different team than he has. In Coach Monken's Week 1 post-game presser, he reeked of pride while emphasizing how strong Watson's throws were, even if they ended in an interception. He let that ball rip, he said no less than three times. The Bucs' coach would not go as far to say the same of Mayfield in his brief 3:27' post-game presser.

By the time Watson got to his own presser on Sunday, he seemed light having shed off all that money weight by leading his team in rushing yards. This accomplishment tastes sour when considering there is an entire position whose job it is to run those yards. That guy, running back Quinshon Judkins, was drafted in 2025 and two months later was arrested for domestic assault charges, leading to him missing his first season training camp (these were later dropped by the Florida prosecutor's office).

The Browns won with a consistent defensive line, smart rookies, and completely average performances by both veteran quarterbacks. Much of Monday talk radio hesitantly accepted their excitement about the win, melting into the management's Watson rehabilitation arc. They encourage their listeners to consider that Watson deserves another week, going as far as to be Devil's Advocate against imaginary fans booing at the home opener: A young team doesn't need to be booed because they have a bad half, nobody will want to play here with fans so negative.

How strange. We all know the fans are not booing the young team. The fans are booing General Manager Andrew Berry and billionaire owners Dee and Jim Haslam, whether they name them or not. The boos are just screams echoing from inside the big black hole this management dug the franchise into by selling out the 2020s for a pervert marred with scandal. Have we already forgotten our shock from pre-season, when the team was announcing competition for starting quarterback between Sanders, a promising second-year god-fearing man, and Watson, who hasn't been physically or mentally healthy enough to play a decent game since COVID booster shots were widly available? It was unbelievable they might try to start Watson when so much of the fan base has wholeheartedly rejected him. Watson was a bad player, and we already knew he would not be worth the decade when he came onto the team and the NFL itself appealed for him to recieve a longer suspension for his sexual misconduct than first issued. To ignore the fans' reaonable deductions is to dismiss the disgust we feel at the rampant sexual abuse culture recently illuminated inside top echelons of our all our institutions.

The Haslams are members of that masterful, manipulative ecosystem, and know that even if their fan base is overcome with rejection for their golden goose, their fan's rage can be easily monetized by simply playing Watson throughout his lame duck year. This is preferable, even, since if the Browns lose, they get higher draft picks next year. The Haslams make money either way: we will watch because we desperately want to see punishment for bad behavior, and we will watch because we hope our team can still win. Browns management is selling us a Faustian bargain by telling us that if we want our team to keep winning, to earn respect, and deep down, to allow us to feel dignified in our consumption, the Browns need their predator rehabilitated in this most heroic of ways.

We must reject the premise! The Browns do not need Watson in order to win. Let the Browns be mid with their young quarterback Sanders, and the rest of their young team, since we are already in debt to the future anyways.

Today: A comeback story that's not finished yet.
FOX pre-game coverage

We are gonna be a damn good football team once the Browns stop hurting the Browns.
Todd Monken, post-game presser

Unfortunately, the Browns did not beat the Panthers by more than 22 points, so no one loyal fan won $50,000 from the DUDE Wipes Blowout Prize sweepstakes. Still, all fans received what the Browns management bargained for: another Watson win.

It is clear now that the team has enough talent to eek out wins on the plays that matter, which keeps each game dependent on the sum of every moment. The Browns' grueling, literally point-less 9-minute drive proved worthwhile by owning the time needed by the Panthers later on, and equally important: allowing their defense to rest so they could ensure opportunities for the offense to make up for the team's 12 penalties.

Sometimes the availability of opportunities works. It is a non-zero statistical probability, albiet apparently a low one, that some of their plays will succeed given all that skill in their ranks. It is, however, good luck that the plays they do make are precisely the ones they need to win. The defense saved the team from a public reckoning with Monken's call to run at 4th and 1 with 1:05 left in the game. The Browns could have made a field goal and instead bet big, and lost. But again - you can bet big as long as your opponent bets worse and throws an interception to end the game.

The Panthers' coach led his post-game presser by giving a lot of credit to [the Browns] for executing a good plan, saying the precious part out loud: Todd Monken's got these guys playing with a lot of energy. Monken's own post-game energy seemed frustrated by the on-field chaos. At this point, he is by far the most interesting part of the Browns franchise.

An edge is coming out, perhaps inspired by the damning comfort of wins won through circumstances of luck. Todd Lasso states that his booing stadium are the greatest fans in the world. All Browns fans want to be is part of something special, something to cheer about, just given a chance. He in turn demands that chance from his rookie players, pleading publicly that the Browns can't wait for these rookies to soar later in their career; the Browns need them to be as special as their draft pick was worth. The Browns management sold the team to the future, but Monken cries I want it now, we need it now.

Reflections forthcoming

Can't wait for October 11!

For the Browns, the matchup is like meeting your second cousin from a storied great-grandparent. The Browns were sold to become the Baltimore Ravens in 1995 with the stipulation that Cleveland would receive a new, and apparently not improved, team four years later.

Can't wait for October 18!

Can't wait for October 25!

Can't wait for November 1!

Can't wait for November 8!

Can't wait for November 15!

On sweet, sweet November 22 they are not assigned a game.

Can't wait for November 29!

Can't wait for December 6!

Can't wait for December 13!

Can't wait for December 20!

Can't wait for December 27!

Can't wait for January 3, 2027!

Can't wait for some undetermined point in January 2027!